# My Feelings

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I came to this country for our relationship, to see where it goes. I did not necessarily come to become Swedish, take SFI, being a dog owner has been nice but not my goal. I am here for us but to do that I must be able to make sure that I am taking care of myself as well meaning taking breaks when I am burning out. Knowing when I am taking a bit more than I can chew, etc, etc...

To grow together, grow as a person. Not necessarily for fun because I already found fun in Canada.
```

- Even with all other social interactions gone I cannot seem to give my family the attention/support that they need.
- Social interactions
  - Connecting better
  - Not able to find time to connect with people.
  - Not finding time to talk about things properly
  - Selective on what times we spend together
- Increased isolation
- Bad outlooks on life
  - If I am getting my license I don’t want expectations to do anything else for the day.
  - Pessimism.
  - Not finding things exciting.
  - Not a celebratory person, ie don't care about celebrating my birthday, there are plenty of days that I can enjoy just as much or more.
  - Gift giving does not mean much to me.
- Capacity
  - Being able to spend time how I want.
  - Lots of outlets I can enjoy but kitchen chores and work seem to be the only ones feasible
  - Feeling the freedom to go to work cafes.
  - To go to work cafes I need the time and availability, ie walking there and not being stressed coming back. Must also feel 'productive' being there?
  - Not enough recovery time
- Taking administrative action.
  - Doing things vs thinking about things
- 2025 was a difficult year in many ways for me.
- Frictions upon leaving.
  - take dog out immediately met with extra conditions before leaving
  - Bring hat that I was okay with not bringing
  - fixing loop for bottle
  - jacket
  - Find phone
  - Initially wanted to leave together, now we are in the same situation that we were in the beginning
  - Packing a backpack
  - cable
- Having hobbies eats your time
- Bad outlooks - life is a chore
- Lots of options to do things but blocked by responsibilities.
  Can’t do things how/when I want to do it
- Night Time
  - Night time walks can ruin nighttime sleep feeling.
  - All 'fun things' are during the day time leaving only the activity of coding at night.
- Very different thinking
  - I like quick decisions for small things
  - Only do things that are high priority or that I am only capable of doing

## Frictions

- Wanting to be able to just do simple things without friction.
- Tiring changing paradigms
- Asking specific time of when task will be done causing pressure and not the ask about the specific task
- Emotionally draining each other.
- Mismatch in what we care about.
  - How we feel about holidays.
  - How we feel about everyday tasks.
  - Priorities seem wrong at times. Video gaming/television > Niko > chores
- Thought friction
  - Reasonable vs unreasonable requests?

## Annoyances

- Not meeting in the middle.
  - I'll cook you clean?
  - Expressing opinion/hungry/tired
  - Being able to sit in feelings and be upset.
- Not being able to just be myself
  - Responding with more interest.
  - Being happy when I am not.
- Being in the way?
  - Bothered by small things ie turning off lights. Feels like I can’t do anything
  - Quiet periods - Too early, too late, in a meeting, don't want noise.
  - Bubble respect
  - Cannot ask too many questions in short period of time?
- Cannot set boundaries
  - Doing things if you can?? I did not want to move a step aside for Kristina walking Niko

## Incapabilities

- Being able to read the room and act accordingly.