87 lines
3.9 KiB
Markdown
87 lines
3.9 KiB
Markdown
# My Feelings
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I dislike mornings like this where Niko does not let me catch him to go outside even though he wants to go outside. My brain wants me to be productive and him doing so does now allow me to be and keeps my attention diverted between doing other things and trying to take him outside. Overall it kills my energy and mood for the rest of the day.
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I came to this country for our relationship, to see where it goes. I did not necessarily come to become Swedish, take SFI, being a dog owner has been nice but not my goal. I am here for us but to do that I must be able to make sure that I am taking care of myself as well meaning taking breaks when I am burning out. Knowing when I am taking a bit more than I can chew, etc, etc...
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To grow together, grow as a person. Not necessarily for fun because I already found fun in Canada.
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- Even with all other social interactions gone I cannot seem to give my family the attention/support that they need.
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- Social interactions
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- Connecting better
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- Not able to find time to connect with people.
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- Not finding time to talk about things properly
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- Selective on what times we spend together
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- Increased isolation
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- Bad outlooks on life
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- If I am getting my license I don’t want expectations to do anything else for the day.
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- Pessimism.
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- Not finding things exciting.
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- Not a celebratory person, ie don't care about celebrating my birthday, there are plenty of days that I can enjoy just as much or more.
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- Gift giving does not mean much to me.
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- Capacity
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- Being able to spend time how I want.
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- Lots of outlets I can enjoy but kitchen chores and work seem to be the only ones feasible
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- Feeling the freedom to go to work cafes.
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- To go to work cafes I need the time and availability, ie walking there and not being stressed coming back. Must also feel 'productive' being there?
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- Not enough recovery time
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- Taking administrative action.
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- Doing things vs thinking about things
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- 2025 was a difficult year in many ways for me.
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- Frictions upon leaving.
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- take dog out immediately met with extra conditions before leaving
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- Bring hat that I was okay with not bringing
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- fixing loop for bottle
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- jacket
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- Find phone
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- Initially wanted to leave together, now we are in the same situation that we were in the beginning
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- Packing a backpack
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- cable
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- Having hobbies eats your time
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- Bad outlooks - life is a chore
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- Lots of options to do things but blocked by responsibilities.
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Can’t do things how/when I want to do it
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- Night Time
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- Night time walks can ruin nighttime sleep feeling.
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- All 'fun things' are during the day time leaving only the activity of coding at night.
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- Very different thinking
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- I like quick decisions for small things
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- Only do things that are high priority or that I am only capable of doing
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## Frictions
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- Wanting to be able to just do simple things without friction.
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- Tiring changing paradigms
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- Asking specific time of when task will be done causing pressure and not the ask about the specific task
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- Emotionally draining each other.
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- Mismatch in what we care about.
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- How we feel about holidays.
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- How we feel about everyday tasks.
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- Priorities seem wrong at times. Video gaming/television > Niko > chores
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- Thought friction
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- Reasonable vs unreasonable requests?
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## Annoyances
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- Not meeting in the middle.
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- I'll cook you clean?
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- Expressing opinion/hungry/tired
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- Being able to sit in feelings and be upset.
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- Not being able to just be myself
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- Responding with more interest.
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- Being happy when I am not.
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- Being in the way?
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- Bothered by small things ie turning off lights. Feels like I can’t do anything
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- Quiet periods - Too early, too late, in a meeting, don't want noise.
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- Bubble respect
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- Cannot ask too many questions in short period of time?
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- Cannot set boundaries
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- Doing things if you can?? I did not want to move a step aside for Kristina walking Niko
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## Incapabilities
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- Being able to read the room and act accordingly.
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